Sex Jokes & More...

What's the difference between a penis and a prick?

A penis is fun, sexy and satisfying... A prick is the guy who owns it.

SeeOur Sex Jokes

Stupid Labels & People

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside
down." (well..duh, a bit late, huh)!

SeeOur Stupid People

Tommy Cooper Classics

Two cannibals are eating a clown.

One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

SeeOur Tommy Cooper Classics

Gorilla

It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape.

He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.

The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along.

She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs"

... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.

Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell HIM you have a headache."

SeeOur Animal Jokes

Essex Girls

An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!" 
"It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds of them!"

SeeOur Essex Girls Jokes

Three Women

Three women are on a island.A brunette, red head and a blonde.They try to get back home by swimming.The brunette gets a quarter of the way, gets tired and drowns.The red gets half way, gets tired and drowns.The Blonde gets three quarters of the way, gets tired and swims back.

From James

SeeOur Blonde Jokes

Brain Cramps

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

Bill Clinton, President

SeeOur Brain Cramps

Saddam

Saddam Hussein's son comes home from shopping with everything in a cardboard box.

His dad says: "Why have you brought the shopping home in a cardboard box, son?"

To which his son replies: "Because there's no Baghdad"

SeeOur Saddam Jokes

Osama bin Laden

Osama bin Laden and one of his followers were riding on a camel when they stopped at a small town. Bin Laden gets off the camel and lifts up its tail and looks at the camel's butt, just then a guy comes over and says, "What are you doing?"

Osama replies, "About 2 miles back I heard someone say, "Hey, look at the two assholes on that camel."

SeeOur Osama bin Laden Jokes